Here’s the thing: on the most recently available evidence, you’re bad at dating. Sorry bro, it’s the truth. You thought you were making a lifetime commitment, and it didn’t work out. That doesn’t make you a bad person. But it does mean you’ve made mistakes. How will you avoid making them again?
Probably by making different mistakes instead! That’s ok, just understand you could be in for a long ride. How long?
Yep, about two turns around the sun, looking for love in all the wrong places. You may go through some or all of these phases:
You shouldn’t even be on the road. Your judgment is impaired and you can’t even walk straight. But you’ve got to get home somehow. The good news is, this is dating, not driving, so you’re not likely to kill anybody. But be careful, people can still get hurt, including you. Just recognize that you don’t know what you’re doing and you probably shouldn’t be doing it. Dating now is thrilling, scary and dangerous.
You’re going to get in a relationship with somebody, and it may seem like it’s really going somewhere, but then you’ll realize it’s a rebound. That means the path of this relationship is determined by the trajectory of your former marriage, that this person you’re with now is in many ways a reflection of the person you were with. This is actually safest dating stage, for you anyway.
After the toxins have faded out of your system, after you’ve rebounded enough, you’ll enter the recovery phase, when you can feel again without relating everything to where you were. You’re not out of the woods yet, but you’re finally taking healthy steps to live authentically, and that’s showing up in your dating life in wonderful ways.
You will be reborn as a completely different person, who is still obviously you. Your past dramas are in your former life, you can own where you’ve been, but it doesn’t hold any power over where you are now. This is a life you can’t quite imagine now, you’ll only believe it when you’re in the next life. Dating now is amazing, you're rediscovering love and finding out that there is more than you ever thought.
You won’t necessarily hit all these phases, and they won’t all take equal time. But don't get stuck - the key is to realize that you're moving, you're changing, you're adapting. Even in the afterlife, you may find out that there's another life beyond that one.